By Erelu Bisi Fayemi
Have you heard of the ‘Cake Picnics’ that are happening around the world? During the summer period, bakers and cake enthusiasts organise ‘Cake Picnics’. It is a fairly straightforward concept. Invitations are sent out to people to attend the Cake Picnic, there is a modest admission fee, but the main criteria for attendance is you have to bring a cake. As you enter the venue, you are directed to where you should place your cake. You are then given a cake box, which is meant for you to go around and cut slices of the other cakes on display, when the MC says it is time to do so. If you go on TikTok, you will see how the Cake Picnics were organised in London, San Francisco, Dubai, Penang, Accra and Johannesburg. There was one in Nairobi, which started off well but became rather disorganized towards the end. The one in Abuja also went well to an extent, though there were complaints about more people than cakes available. How can this be, since admission is supposed to be based on the presentation of a cake at the entrance?
The Cake Picnic that will never be forgotten is the one that took place in Lagos on August 9th. Like all the others, it started off well with a lovely array of cakes on display. Many people got in without bringing a cake. The guidelines for the Cake Picnics say that you need a ticket AND a cake to get in, not just a ticket. The organisers of the Lagos event did not enforce this. When it was time for attendees to go round and sample the cakes, all hell broke loose. What was supposed to be a pleasant afternoon enjoying the baking talents of those who made an effort to bring cakes, ended in adult women and men (some of them parents) scrambling, shoving, shrieking and demolishing beautiful works of art. Instead of gently cutting into the cakes with the cake servers or knives available, you could see people digging in to the cakes with their bare, ungloved hands. It was shameful, and that is putting it mildly. Anyhowness.
The Oxford English Dictionary does updates periodically. Over time, it has included uniquely Nigerian words such as Naija, Suya, Yahoo, Agbero, to mention a few. It is not there yet, but I am sure the word ‘Anyhowness’ will soon be added to the list. Afterall, if you check with ChatGPT, ‘Anyhowness’ is described as ‘A Nigerian English term derived from the adverb ‘anyhow’, referring to a state of carelessness, sloppiness or lack of attention to detail’. It describes a situation or behaviour characterized by haphazardness and disregard for proper procedures or standards’.
It is hard to practice self-discipline and control in an environment where we are set up to fail, individually or collectively. We are socialized into believing we cannot accomplish anything on our own or get something done, unless we know someone somewhere, and most times, it is true. When there is a queue for anything, we have been programmed to believe that it will never be our turn if we comply, someone not on the line might find their way to the front, so we push and shove, even when it is five persons in front of ten items.
Our harsh environment of course provides us with opportunities to build resilience and excel wherever we go. However, these strengths are often overwhelmed by our perceived weaknesses. People around the world don’t remember that a Nigerian once won a Nobel Prize for Literature, don’t care that a Nigerian is Deputy Secretary-General of the United Nations, cannot be bothered that one of us is Director-General of the World Trade Organisation, or that our Super Falcons are the latest African Champions and the D’Tigress team brought home the basketball trophy this year. They are unmoved by the fact that we have Professionals in every corner of the world, our children are excelling, with solid academic achievements. They will ignore the evolution of the Nigerian film industry into a global force to be reckoned with, and the huge influence of our music and fashion. They don’t care about the many hardworking, God-fearing Nigerians with a disciplined work ethic. If it bleeds it leads, good news does not matter.
They would rather remember the ‘Nigerian Prince’ fraud letters, the many languishing in jails around the world on drug trafficking and fraud convictions, our cult clashes on the streets of India, Dubai and Guangzhou, our fights for turf with the local mafia in Naples (can you imagine!) our perceived and real wrong doings in South Africa, and more recently, claims that we have overstayed our welcome in nearby Ghana. In essence, all our talents and accomplishments amount to nothing because of our famous ‘Anyhowness’. The problem with ‘Anyhowness’ as a way of life, is that it is hard to pin on any one group of people – age, education, ethnicity, education, gender or class does not matter.
Recently, there were two incidents that took place at Nigerian Airports. One involved a famous musician and elder, Alhaji Wasiu Ayinde Marshal, popularly known as KWAM 1. He wanted to take a flask of liquid above 100mls on to an aircraft. The airline crew refused and an altercation ensued, which involved KWAM1 emptying the contents on the crew, including the Pilot. They claimed the liquid was alcohol and prevented him from boarding. Not only did KWAM 1 refuse to leave the vicinity as instructed, he proceeded to attempt to stop the aircraft from taking off. He refused to listen to all entreaties to move out of the way. Nigerians are fond of invoking the term, ‘in saner climes’. Well, ‘in saner climes’ this respected pillar of society would not have been forgiven a temporary lapse in judgement. He would have been hoisted away in handcuffs. However, this is Nigeria, the clime of ‘Anyhowness’. So, Elder KWAM was left to rave in front of a moving aircraft, after the furious Pilot decided that the best way to respond to ‘Anyhowness’ was ‘Anyhowness’.
KWAM 1 went back home. The Minister of Aviation, Hon Festus Keyamo (SAN) proceeded to announce a local and international travel ban on KWAM 1. The Value Jet pilot was suspended. These steps, according to the Minister, were to be taken while investigations into the incident would be ongoing. KWAM 1 made a video to apologise for his actions. Fair enough. While we were waiting for the outcome of the ‘investigations’, ‘KWAM 2’ happened.
While the KWAM 1 incident featured the shocking images of an elderly gentleman trying to body block a moving aircraft, ‘KWAM 2’ threw up the disturbing sight of a young woman being dragged topless down the steps of Ibom Air. Comfort Emmanson was a passenger on Ibom Air, who got into a dispute with one of the Flight Attendants. According to eye witnesses, the Flight Attendant tried to get Comfort to switch off her phone for take-off. The attendant was not particularly polite to the young customer. Comfort was having difficulties with her phone, till someone sitting next to her helped switch it off.
However, not only did Comfort loudly complain about this encounter for the rest of the flight, the Flight Attendant had her own plans. She contacted the ground crew with information about an unruly passenger. While other passengers left the plane, Comfort was prevented from disembarking while the crew waited for airport security to arrive. By the time cameras started rolling, we could see a wigless Comfort hitting and prodding an equally wigless Flight Attendant. The Flight Attendant seemed poised and in control in the face of provocation, till it was pointed out that cameras were on her so she was being careful. Two women do not emerge from a situation minus their wigs unless a fight had taken place. Comfort had to be dragged kicking and screaming out of the aircraft, and in the process, her top was torn and an evil person not only recorded but posted this for the world to see. Anyhowness.
Unlike KWAM 1, ‘KWAM 2’ did not go home. She was considered a ‘nobody’. She had no big man or woman on speed dial as KWAM 1 had. She was promptly taken to KiriKiri prison instead. Initially, we had been regaled with video clips of a wild, uncontrollable young woman on the plane and on an airport bus. Her actions were definitely a risk to a safe flight environment and in all sane and insane climes, she deserved to be sanctioned for her ‘Anyhowness’. However, when accounts of what triggered Comfort’s actions started to emerge, as well as the violation of her rights by circulating images of her in a vulnerable state, there was an overwhelming backlash from the public. How come KWAM 1 got to go home and give an apology, while KWAM 2 was taken straight to KiriKiri? In a further case of ‘Anyhowness’, the Airline Operators of Nigeria placed a ‘lifetime’ travel ban on Comfort, something legal experts have said they have no locus standi to do. There had been no investigation at this point and the story/time-lines had not been properly established. As the young people would say, ‘we have not settled the other matter’.
Fortunately, Aviation Minister Festus Keyamo came to the rescue. Understanding that quietly creating a ‘soft landing’ for KWAM 1 was coming across as blatantly unfair to KWAM 2, charges against both KWAMs have been dropped. The travel bans have been reviewed downwards. The formidable Value Jet pilot will be recalled to work in a month. There will be a review of structures, systems and processes in the sector to prevent these kinds of incidents or at least have a uniform and coherent response in place. KWAM 1 has also been coopted as an Ambassador by the authorities to promote good behaviour in Aviation settings. While this leaves a taste of ‘Anyhowness’ in the mouth, I am looking forward to Comfort also receiving an invitation to be an Ambassador of something, and compensation from Ibom Air for the appalling images of her body that went viral. So far, she has received dodgy offers of money and trips locally and internationally, which all smack of ‘Anyhowness’, considering who is making the offers.
We can all do better. There are things we should be able to take control of. How we comport ourselves in public, how we talk to others, how we follow rules, how we treat people, how accountable we are, how we use our power. What we teach our children and wards. The boundaries we set for ourselves and others. The values we live by. Lions and Lionesses do not need to roar. We are Nigerians. We simply need to show up with respect and leave the loud voice, ‘do you know who I am’ and ‘Anyhowness’ behind. How do we get to the point where we smash and grab chunks of cake when there is a cake knife patiently waiting for you to cut a neat slice? Anyhowness, that is how. No wonder the rest of the world treats us anyhow.
Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Leadership Coach, Policy Advocate and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at [email protected]
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